IELTS ESSAY 18

Many professionals from India appear for IELTS – General Training each year in order to apply for permanent residency in Canada and Australia. One of the main challenges these professional face is IELTS writing section which consists of two tasks. Task 1 is Letter Writing and Task 2 is Essay Writing. We have already published few samples of writing task 2.

The task of essay writing expects you to write an essay in minimum 250 words. Reader judges your essay on factors such as Task Response, Coherence and Cohesion, Lexical Resources, and Grammatical Range and Accuracy. Here, we have decided to publish samples by our students which can guide students preparing for IELTS online.

While mobile phones have many advantages, a number of problems have also resulted from them or the ways in which they are used.
What are some of these problems?
What solutions can you suggest for solving these problems?

In this ever-evolving world, communication has been revolutionized thanks to mobile phones. Agreed the changes have brought the world closer, but have opened a new can of worms which, in fact, is difficult to manage. Looking at the intensity of new found problems, it is high time to take remedial actions.

Cellular phones have sucked emotions out of the relations as most of the communication is handled through these small devices, eliminating the need to talk face to face. Friends who used to knock on the doors earlier have started updating over phones, creating emotional gaps. Further, excessive usage of the device exposes the user to harmful radiations, which affect the vital organs in the body. A Recent surge in the rate of heart attacks in employees using mobiles is a warning for all of us.

To overcome such terrible consequences, one must minimize using the mobile phones and keep it for emergency measures. It can be agreed that the versatility of the device compels the user to be around it, however, avoiding social scenarios and compromising emotional values in the relationship cannot be justified. One can optimize the usage by allocating certain periods of time. Also, this way the user can ensure that radiations are affecting the body in limited ways: headphones on calls can be extremely beneficial to keep away from the effect of radiations.

Looking back, unwarranted usage of the mobile phones has led advent of unforeseen complications which have social as well as physical implications. To avoid such glitches, one must restrict usage as much as possible while devising few precautionary methods in unavoidable circumstance.

Score:

This essay deserves score of 8 or more.

Task Response:

The essay satisfies the task of enlisting problems and their solutions very well. It also ensures strong reasoning with corresponding examples.

Coherence and Cohesion:

The essay maintains the flow of ideas quite well by ensuring logical order. Effective usage of linking words helps to transmit well from one topic to another, though there is hiccup while giving examples.

Lexical Resource:

The range of words used is very precise without compromising the meaning of the sentences. There are exactly 268 words which help the writer maintain precision.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy:

There is enough range of structures which are used appropriately.

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2 Replies to “IELTS ESSAY 18”

  1. Personally I disagree that this essay would score a band 8. Just looking at the first paragraph I can see 3 phrases which are not appropriate for a formal essay.

    ‘Can of worms’ – best saved for the speaking test, too informal.
    ‘thanks to’ – again too informal, using the phrase ‘due to’ would be better.
    ‘high time for some remedial action’ – this phrase is not one that native speakers would use and barely makes sense.

    There are a few more too such as: sucked out, knock on doors.

    Also, there are a few grammar issues, such as: radiation does not have an ‘s’ on the end as it is a uncountable noun e.g. you would not say I have a lot of waters.

    On the positive side, there is a clear structure to the essay and it is well organised.

    Anyway, just a few thoughts for you. I wish you all the best in your studies.

  2. Hi Tim,
    Thanks for the comments.
    All the essays we publish here are by our students except for the Essay 1, 2 and 7. After our student’s results for IELTS are released we look into their practice essays and publish the best ones. In the process, we do not edit anything so that readers realize that there are possibilities of errors in good essays. Moreover, when we state that the person should receive a particular score, we take into account the actual IELTS score of the particular writer.
    As far as the tone of the essay is concerned, we are not sure whether IELTS looks for formal language. Rather, we have always found in their official material that they expect a neutral or semi-formal style of writing, which means few informal phrases should not be treated as outcasts. Having said that, we agree, your suggestions would always ensure better results.
    Thanks again.
    Career Care

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